Nothing is Scarier Than Getting What You Want

Or, “and we’re back!”

Hi there! Guess who has returned! I feel like that one line in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.

Well, prior to the past near-year I was somehow naïve enough to swear that I would never be one of Those Guys. You know, the guys who dedicate themselves to a blog and then are carried away by life and abandon the blog for (insert period of time). “I am Different!” I vowed before an adoring audience on St. Crispin’s Day. “I am Committed! I and my blog will not suffer this Fate! I will have a Work-Life Balance!!”

Then I got a boyfriend job, and everything changed.

The job was writing-heavy, so I pared down some of my related activities to throw myself into it. I learned a lot from it, arguably all that I could. I’m no longer in it, and my creative energy has been re-regulating its levels over the course of several weeks. What I’ve been capable of producing lately amounts to a lot of erotic fanfiction and the odd fragment of poetry or essay, so even this post is a step unto itself. (Some feelings and instincts I concurrently developed around social media will need their own sorting out. Baby steps.)

How dare I leave the indie internet for a dalliance with Full-Time Employment, I know. And, having done it once, I’m not foolish enough to promise the infidelity won’t happen again. In what form it will cross my path next remains to be seen. I’m hoping, when it does, I can include time for everything.

Meanwhile, I’ve got what I want. I’m…free. Free to go clubbing on weeknights and see my friends anytime I please and pick up where I left off in my reading list and travel to my heart’s desire (forthcoming) and shell out for good seats at concerts (also forthcoming!!) and write down my thoughts here as I’ve dearly missed doing.

There was a stretch earlier this year that had me dreaming of this kind of freedom. Now that it’s here, like everything we wish for, it’s a little frightening. But I’ve got a café seat, a green smoothie (guess I’m one of Those Girls too), and, as usual, a head full of ideas that are driving me insane.

Welcome back.

Image: taken by the author, behind the fountains at Märchenbrunnen in the Volkspark Friedrichshain

Published by Cecilia Gigliotti

Cecilia Gigliotti (she/her) lives in Berlin with a beloved ukulele named Uke Skywalker. She co-hosts and produces the music commentary podcast POD SOUNDS. Her free time goes toward dancing, reading books new and old, drawing cartoons, taking city walks, and devoting too much thought to the foibles of her heroes. Connect with her on Instagram (@c_m_giglio, @ceciliagphotography, @pod_sounds_podcast) and see what else she's up to (

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